Jul 10
1
My daughter proclaimed this to the whole world the other day when she wanted to stay up late to draw when I insisted that it was time to go to bed. She screamed at me when I gave her an ultimatum. Don’t you just love little children. 
Parents, listen up! Do not take anything your child says personally. If you do, you will be completely bruised and broken by the time your child turns 18 that is if you managed to stay in one piece by then. 
One of the most common questions I received regarding parenting is: what should I do when my child is being mean, and says really hurtful things to me?
Different types of parents react differently. Here are some examples of what some parents do:
- Retaliate by saying, “And you are the worst child in the whole wide world!” (Never say this to your child!)
- Or saying, “How dare you say that to me after all that I have done for you!” (Does this remind you of your own parents?)
- Give the child the silent treatment thinking being unfriendly would cause the child to become guilty and so become more obedient. (You can’t really guilt someone into being nicer to you. It doesn’t have long term positive effects.)
So these are some very general retaliative responses from parents. All not really appropriate.
I normally tell parents to listen ‘between the lines’ as to why your child said those mean things to you. What kinds of emotional distress your child is going through that he would become mean to you — the person that he/she feels safest with? It says a lot about what is going on in your child. Use the opportunity to communicate with your child. Know that your child would not say those mean things to you if he/she does not feel safe with you and to know that you will love him/her no matter what.
When your child says something mean to you, and you look at your child with the eyes of love, give your child a hug and say that you are so sorry he/she feels this way, you can be sure your child will break the wall. He/she will soften and perhaps even bawl with a sense of relief that all is well and safe. My teacher Dr Stone said, ‘An attack is a call for love’ and I believe this to be true.
Notes:
- Stay calm when your child is being mean or says nasty things to you
- Don’t take what your child says personally
- Listen ‘between the lines’ what kind of distress is your child going through
- Instead of pushing your child away, engage with love and re-assure your child that all is well and safe
- Have fun and enjoy your relationship with your child
© 2010 Shamala Tan
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Shamala Tan, expert Holistic Life Coach is the founder of Think Right Feel Good™ Program, the step by step system that shows you how to live a better and stress free life. The system teaches you how to manage your stress levels through Right Thinking. Hundreds have benefited from this system and many are praising the system of how they are living more fulfilling lives and experiencing new levels of freedom within themselves. Get your FREE weekly tips and articles on how to further and dramatically change your life for the better, visit www.thinkrightfeelgood.com
