Jul 10
26
Multi-Tasking Power
A fun article to share with you:
Over the weekend, I had several things on my agenda — some more urgent than others. I really wanted to just sit down and read some of my books or listen to some of my audio books, but the kitchen needed a major clean up as well. So I had to prioritize and decided to go with the kitchen.
Then I realised, hey, just because I was cleaning the kitchen doesn’t mean I could not continue to do what I enjoy i.e. listening to my audio books. So I spent 6 hours in the kitchen (it was a major clean up clearing out cupboards, expired food items etc) scrubbing, washing, wiping and at the same time finished listening to one audio book!
I felt so pleased with having ‘killed two birds with one stone’ so to speak. And it also made the household chore much more enjoyable.
Often people say that women (especially mothers) are good at multi-tasking and most men can only do one thing at a time. I don’t know if this is true, for I know several men who multi-tasks as well as I do. At the same time, I also believe that some tasks should be done with a single minded purpose in order to make it right and multi tasking should be avoided.
One thing I know that mothers are good at in multi-tasking is the ability to keep an eye on their children while doing something else. My daughter time and time again, is amazed that I know exactly what she is up to even though I was not looking at her. She asked me many times how do I know what she was doing and if I have some superpowers (!) — I told her it is a mother thing and when she becomes a mother she will have these ‘powers’ too. Lol!
Notes:
- Benefits of multi-tasking – saves you time, allows you to do something concrete while enjoying something else at the same time
- Some things should be done single-mindedly and not combined with something else for eg. surgery!
© 2010 Shamala Tan
Want to use this article? Sure you can HOWEVER you MUST include the following:
Shamala Tan, expert Holistic Life Coach is the founder of Think Right Feel Good™ Program, the step by step system that shows you how to live a better and stress free life. The system teaches you how to manage your stress levels through Right Thinking. Hundreds have benefited from this system and many are praising the system of how they are living more fulfilling lives and experiencing new levels of freedom within themselves. Get your FREE weekly tips and articles on how to further and dramatically change your life for the better, visit www.thinkrightfeelgood.com
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Often when I tell people that they need to breathe when they are challenged in life, they think I am being silly. After all, breathing is an essential part of living and everyone is breathing. The problem is most people are not conscious of the stress relieving benefits of the simple act of conscious breathing. Now, I am not asking people to take up exercises such as Qi Gong or Tai Chi as I am no expert in this area (but if you feel drawn to, you should for these exercises have positive proven track records). I am merely suggesting that one be conscious of breathing as a way to oxygenate one’s brains rapidly to facilitate clearer thinking. And this can be easily done at the office or at home.
When we are stressed, our muscles are contracted from our face, neck, shoulders to our chest and trunk. This makes it virtually impossible for one to breathe in deeply as the body is not allowing it. But if one is conscious of this, one can immediately focus on relaxing the body and take in deep breaths right into the lungs and expand one’s muscles all over the upper body. This immediately sends a ‘new batch’ of oxygen into one’s bloodstream and into one’s brains to allow one to think more clearly and to allow one to clear the confusion or the build up of negative thoughts. Often times, the solution to problems is right before one’s eyes. The failure to see is simply due to confusion, build up of negativity and too much focus on the problem rather than the solution.
I did an exercise with one of the corporate groups I did a talk with on EQ & Stress and we spent some time just focusing on breathing. Many were actually surprised at how much clearer they were in their minds and wondered why they never thought of doing this sooner!
So breathe! It does more than keep you alive, it lets you live life fully 
Notes:
- When you are stressed/confused/muddled/tired/anxious/worrying/sad take 2-5 mins off and focus on taking in deep breaths
- Feel the fresh air going into your lungs, traveling along your bloodstream into your heart and then from there into your brains
- Feel the muscles on your face, neck, shoulders, chest and upper body relaxing and allow the rest of your body to also become relaxed
- Experience a sense of renewal in your mind, as everything becomes clearer and all confusion and negativity fading away with the outbreath
- Take several 2-5 mins break each day to just breathe consciously, it will make a world of difference to your stress management abilities
© 2010 Shamala Tan
Want to use this article? Sure you can HOWEVER you MUST include the following:
Shamala Tan, expert Holistic Life Coach is the founder of Think Right Feel Good™ Program, the step by step system that shows you how to live a better and stress free life. The system teaches you how to manage your stress levels through Right Thinking. Hundreds have benefited from this system and many are praising the system of how they are living more fulfilling lives and experiencing new levels of freedom within themselves. Get your FREE weekly tips and articles on how to further and dramatically change your life for the better, visit www.thinkrightfeelgood.com
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My daughter proclaimed this to the whole world the other day when she wanted to stay up late to draw when I insisted that it was time to go to bed. She screamed at me when I gave her an ultimatum. Don’t you just love little children.
Parents, listen up! Do not take anything your child says personally. If you do, you will be completely bruised and broken by the time your child turns 18 that is if you managed to stay in one piece by then. 
One of the most common questions I received regarding parenting is: what should I do when my child is being mean, and says really hurtful things to me?
Different types of parents react differently. Here are some examples of what some parents do:
- Retaliate by saying, “And you are the worst child in the whole wide world!” (Never say this to your child!)
- Or saying, “How dare you say that to me after all that I have done for you!” (Does this remind you of your own parents?)
- Give the child the silent treatment thinking being unfriendly would cause the child to become guilty and so become more obedient. (You can’t really guilt someone into being nicer to you. It doesn’t have long term positive effects.)
So these are some very general retaliative responses from parents. All not really appropriate.
I normally tell parents to listen ‘between the lines’ as to why your child said those mean things to you. What kinds of emotional distress your child is going through that he would become mean to you — the person that he/she feels safest with? It says a lot about what is going on in your child. Use the opportunity to communicate with your child. Know that your child would not say those mean things to you if he/she does not feel safe with you and to know that you will love him/her no matter what.
When your child says something mean to you, and you look at your child with the eyes of love, give your child a hug and say that you are so sorry he/she feels this way, you can be sure your child will break the wall. He/she will soften and perhaps even bawl with a sense of relief that all is well and safe. My teacher Dr Stone said, ‘An attack is a call for love’ and I believe this to be true.
Notes:
- Stay calm when your child is being mean or says nasty things to you
- Don’t take what your child says personally
- Listen ‘between the lines’ what kind of distress is your child going through
- Instead of pushing your child away, engage with love and re-assure your child that all is well and safe
- Have fun and enjoy your relationship with your child
© 2010 Shamala Tan
Want to use this article? Sure you can HOWEVER you MUST include the following:
Shamala Tan, expert Holistic Life Coach is the founder of Think Right Feel Good™ Program, the step by step system that shows you how to live a better and stress free life. The system teaches you how to manage your stress levels through Right Thinking. Hundreds have benefited from this system and many are praising the system of how they are living more fulfilling lives and experiencing new levels of freedom within themselves. Get your FREE weekly tips and articles on how to further and dramatically change your life for the better, visit www.thinkrightfeelgood.com
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I gave a talk last week on Mental Resilience and one of the things we talked about was looking at the positive in every life situation, including death. Some people looked very surprised but I went on to say that there are so many circumstances surrounding the issue of death, the person could have been suffering in pain, and that death can be seen as a form of release from suffering. The facial expressions of the listeners softened as I say those words. I can see how people realise that this seems to be a good reason to see the positive.
But what about the less obvious? For example, a person who passes on without any illness but an accident and it was a sudden one. How does one then see the positive in this? Is there anything positive about it? Well, obviously in these sort of situations, I am not saying that it is better for the person to pass on. And most of the time, we are not able to see the immediate positive. Again circumstances and situations differ from case to case. One story I heard was a lady with two children whose husband died suddenly in an accident. She didn’t have a job and their insurance policy lapsed. So she was left with nothing. Having nothing pushed her to go out there to fulfill her highest potential and she went on to become financially free in three months and she also went on to make a difference in the lives of other people around her as well as her children’s lives. So even in these sort of situations, there are positives. It is a matter of whether we can see it or not.
Over the weekend our pet dog passed on. She was 14 years old and lived a full life with us. Due to her age, she became deaf and almost blind. I can easily see the positive in this and I am glad that she is now free. :)
Notes:
Looking For The Positive In Everything
- Even in the darkest moments of our lives, we must strive to look for the positive in order to move on
- Every problem is actually a solution to something bigger and better
- Looking at the positive breeds more positive things in our lives
© 2010 Shamala Tan
Want to use this article? Sure you can HOWEVER you MUST include the following:
Shamala Tan, expert Holistic Life Coach is the founder of Think Right Feel Good™ Program, the step by step system that shows you how to live a better and stress free life. The system teaches you how to manage your stress levels through Right Thinking. Hundreds have benefited from this system and many are praising the system of how they are living more fulfilling lives and experiencing new levels of freedom within themselves. Get your FREE weekly tips and articles on how to further and dramatically change your life for the better, visit www.thinkrightfeelgood.com
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Jun 10
15
Quality Family Time
In this fast paced world we live in now, it is not surprising to hear that people do not spend enough time with their family. People often tell me that they have to work hard to make a living for their family and that this is a sacrifice that they see as necessary. Unfortunately this sacrifice does come with a price tag as well. Your kids will grow up so quickly that before you know it, they are no longer kids. Or your relationship with your spouse has become so distanced that you are no more than room mates.
Understandably everyone is busy but quality time with one’s loved ones should not be something that one does only when one has time. If booking a date on your calendar to make sure that quality time is spent with your family is what it takes, then it should be done! Quality time with one’s family must take priority on your calendar. As we all know it is so easy to take our family for granted and we don’t see them anymore, even though we see them every day.
I have counseled parents who tell me, ‘But I see my kids and spouse every day, why should I book them in my calendar.’ So I posed this question, ‘so what do you all talk about?’ The answer was, “well, you know the usual how was your day that kind of thing”
My response was, ‘But do you really know what is going on – how they feel, what difficulties they are facing and so on. Did you give them undivided attention and did they give you undivided attention. Or were they talking to you while watching tv or reading the newspaper?’
The quality of communication drops significantly if one does not give you the undivided attention you deserve and vice versa, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this one out. Make a date, it is worth it, and even one hour of quality time per week can improve relationships significantly.
Notes:
Key Quality Time
- Make a date with your family and mark it down on your calendar. When it is on your calendar, it will take priority.
- Quality time means sharing one’s life experiences, challenges, aspirations and so on without distractions such as the TV or the newspaper. It also means not talking about somebody else when in conversation.
- If possible, spend quality time even without the distraction of food! Just a simple drink is good.
- Quality time = improved communications = better relationships
© 2010 Shamala Tan
Want to use this article? Sure you can HOWEVER you MUST include the following:
Shamala Tan, expert Holistic Life Coach is the founder of Think Right Feel Good™ Program, the step by step system that shows you how to live a better and stress free life. The system teaches you how to manage your stress levels through Right Thinking. Hundreds have benefited from this system and many are praising the system of how they are living more fulfilling lives and experiencing new levels of freedom within themselves. Get your FREE weekly tips and articles on how to further and dramatically change your life for the better, visit www.thinkrightfeelgood.com
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Jun 10
9
Are You Seeing Clearly?
One of the key causes of conflicts and misunderstandings come from us not seeing clearly. Not seeing clearly who the other party is, or not seeing clearly what the situation is. It is as though we have these shades that prevent us from seeing what is in front of us.
The interesting thing is some people have darker shades than others. The darker the shades, the less they are able to see clearly and the more they are blind to other people, the situation or even to themselves!
In Conflict Resolution, one of the most important keys to help one to come to a mutual understanding and to resolve the conflicts is to remove these shades. When I counsel my clients, I often ask them if they were wearing shades when they experienced the conflict. And of course, the answer is always yes, if they are honest with themselves.
We then go through the process of establishing how greater clarity can be established. Often times people actually do find comfort in wearing these shades even though it has costs them their relationships, peace of mind and sometimes even their health or wealth. The shades are like a false security blanket that people hang on to.
We remove the shades like how one would peel an onion, with plenty of tears for some! Once the client is able to see more clearly, they would often get an aha! moment and wonder why they did not remove the shades sooner.
Clarity could mean realising that they themselves have been consumed with anger, or they are not understanding the other person through the eyes of love, or they themselves have been too focused on finding fault in the other party. Granted it does take humility to admit to one’s own blindness and the willingness to learn.
To have greater peace of mind, better relationships and successes in general, removing the shades to see clearly is key.
Notes:
Keys to Seeing Clearly:
- Be honest with yourself. This means asking yourself if you are indeed seeing things from a clear perspective. If you are emotional about things, the chances are very high that you are not seeing clearly.
- Ask yourself have you been too focused on your own mistakes, or other people’s faults or perhaps even the fault of the situation? Resulting in you missing the point entirely?
- Are you able to let go of the shades of anger, grudges, frustration, irritation etc? If you do let these go, your perspective will automatically change.
© 2010 Shamala Tan
Want to use this article? Sure you can HOWEVER you MUST include the following:
Shamala Tan, expert Holistic Life Coach is the founder of Think Right Feel Good™ Program, the step by step system that shows you how to live a better and stress free life. The system teaches you how to manage your stress levels through Right Thinking. Hundreds have benefited from this system and many are praising the system of how they are living more fulfilling lives and experiencing new levels of freedom within themselves. Get your FREE weekly tips and articles on how to further and dramatically change your life for the better, visit www.thinkrightfeelgood.com
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This is the question that often come up when I do public talks. Parents are in real fear that their kids will love them less if they impose some form of discipline at home. In order to understand why parents feel this way, we have to explore the parents’ childhood and how they were brought up.
In this sort of cases, the parents themselves have not fully ‘matured’ into an adult mindset. I am not saying that they are childish, but what I mean is that they have not become psychologically equipped to become an inner parent for themselves. Everyone of us must learn to ‘parent’ ourselves effectively before we can be effective parents for our real life children. As long as we fear exercising discipline on ourselves, which means we simply let ourselves go and this will manifest as bad habits/addictions, not taking care of our diet, not taking care of our health and well being in general. And simply allowing ourselves to do whatever we like, then we will do the same for our own children.
More often than not, parents have the tendency to swing from being an over-disciplinarian stemming from anger because of the lack of control over their children and then guilt from being too harsh and then to giving in their children too easily for fear of losing the affections of their children, confuse themselves and their children! This is a definite formula to have their children disrespect them. Once this is disrespect, a lot of work is needed to regain it back.
What children (including teenagers) need are firm guidance, proper boundaries and love. They don’t want a parent who is inconsistent, can’t make decisions, change their minds too often, can’t give proper guidelines (or changing the rules all the time). In parent counseling that I do with my clients, often the key ‘problem’ is inconsistency on the part of the parents, resulting in ‘problematic’ children.
So discipline, setting clear boundaries and having house rules are important qualities to effective parenting. Your children are not going to love you less for these, in fact your children will love you more for it for the security you are offering to you.
Notes:
Keys to Disciplining Your Children:
- Set house rules eg. how much Tv, computer time is allowed daily
- Offer privileges for good behaviour, and take away privileges when children mis-behave
- Privileges could be tv time, computer time, going out with friends (for older kids)
- Be firm when they misbehave and make it known that it is the misbehave that is disapproved
- Remind your children that you love them no matter what happens and no matter how badly they misbehave
- If you impose time out (for younger kids) or grounding (for older kids), re-assure them that you still love them
© 2010 Shamala Tan
Want to use this article? Sure you can HOWEVER you MUST include the following:
Shamala Tan, expert Holistic Life Coach is the founder of Think Right Feel Good™ Program, the step by step system that shows you how to live a better and stress free life. The system teaches you how to manage your stress levels through Right Thinking. Hundreds have benefited from this system and many are praising the system of how they are living more fulfilling lives and experiencing new levels of freedom within themselves. Get your FREE weekly tips and articles on how to further and dramatically change your life for the better, visit www.thinkrightfeelgood.com
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May 10
31
Crazy Parents?
We think this is crazy?
But parents all over the world do the same to their kids — by feeding their kids’ addictions with video/computer games, junk food, Tv, soda and so much more….
We live in a crazy world. We may judge the parents for giving the 4 year old cigarettes (because it is not common), but most parents are in denial of their own helplessness when it comes to their kids’ own more common forms of addictions. More parents than not are feeding and enabling their children’s addictions.
Think SERIOUSLY about this. Are you one of them?
© 2010 Shamala Tan
Want to use this article? Sure you can HOWEVER you MUST include the following:
Shamala Tan, expert Holistic Life Coach is the founder of Think Right Feel Good™ Program, the step by step system that shows you how to live a better and stress free life. The system teaches you how to manage your stress levels through Right Thinking. Hundreds have benefited from this system and many are praising the system of how they are living more fulfilling lives and experiencing new levels of freedom within themselves. Get your FREE weekly tips and articles on how to further and dramatically change your life for the better, visit www.thinkrightfeelgood.com
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May 10
29
Win-Win
Here is a very personal story I would like to share with you and I hope you don’t mind.
Last night we went to a party and my daughter was throwing a tantrum at the end of the evening as she wanted to play a certain toy but it was time to go home. We left anyway as it was close to her bedtime and her tantrum lasted throughout the whole journey home.
This morning she asked me about it again, saying how much she enjoyed playing with it the last time and if at all possible if I could get her one. So I decided to work a plan and told her that if she wants it so badly, I could get it for her as an early birthday present. But she must remember that when her birthday comes around, she will not be getting any toys from me. She agreed to the deal.
So off we went to the toy shop after lunch today. And we went through the whole shop looking for that one toy she wanted, but we could not find it.
Instead of feeling disappointed, this four year old turned to me and said, “Mummy, never mind I can always go to O & S’s house (identities have not been concealed to protect the innocent! ) and play with the toy the next time.” I thought well ok that is very mature of her.
As I was about to lead her out of the shop she said, “So mummy you can buy me another toy!” with a wide grin.
I’ve been ‘conned’ by a 4 year old, unbelievable! Anyway, I could not take back my word now about buying her the early birthday present and so I gave her a budget and we spent some timing choosing what she wanted. She won.
Even though I was ‘conned’ I won too because I was actually quite pleased with her ability to come up with a win-win solution. Her thinking went beyond being disappointed, and she was able to overcome it by coming up with a better solution for herself.
Notes:
Keys to Win-Win Situations
- Don’t allow personal stakes to get in the way of clear thinking
- See the positive in every situation
- Be creative in problem solving
- Aim to see the bigger picture, beyond the present challenge
- and create a win-win situation for everyone
© 2010 Shamala Tan
Want to use this article? Sure you can HOWEVER you MUST include the following:
Shamala Tan, expert Holistic Life Coach is the founder of Think Right Feel Good™ Program, the step by step system that shows you how to live a better and stress free life. The system teaches you how to manage your stress levels through Right Thinking. Hundreds have benefited from this system and many are praising the system of how they are living more fulfilling lives and experiencing new levels of freedom within themselves. Get your FREE weekly tips and articles on how to further and dramatically change your life for the better, visit www.thinkrightfeelgood.com
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May 10
26
Fake It Till You Make It
I remember when I was about 13 and we were supposed to do a life painting class. The teacher cut up some tomatoes and placed them at the front of the class and said, paint this. I had never done a life painting before much less paint a cut up tomato which is not an easy thing to do. I was anxious but I decided to ask myself, how would an artist do this? I then proceeded to draw an outline of the subject, and proceeded to paint them. I remember quite vividly the feelings I felt while painting the tomatoes. I felt confident, I felt a sense of 100% certainty that this is something I could do. I repeatedly told myself, just look at what I see and observe the colours and paint exactly what I see. Guess what, I got an A.
The interesting thing is I was only able to replicate that experience one other time in art class. Even when I went on to art college, I never got that same level of confidence as I did when I was 13.
As I think back, while in art college at the age of 18, my confidence in my abilities were hampered by comparing myself with others because there were so many talented artists around. I felt less talented than others. The more I felt this way, the less I was able to nurture and develop my artistic abilities for fear of being judged when in truth I was my worst judge. At 13, I had nothing to compare with, nothing to lose. I had a single minded focus on getting the painting right and I Faked It Till I Made It.
Ever since I decided to get my life back together after years of addiction, I thought about the 13 year old in me and the determination I felt and experienced back then. I used the same fiery determination to keep a single minded focus to achieve what I want in my personal growth and in life — whether it was to become a better teacher, speaker, counselor, writer or mother. I used the same ‘acting’ skills to Fake It Till I Make It.
I also realise that if I start to compare myself with others and lose focus on my own purpose, I will lose everything. Today, I look up to some people who have truly made it and use them as my models to enable me to ‘fake it’ better I dedicate this article to my late mentor Dr Joshua David Stone, one who mastered the art of “Faking It Till You Make it” for he truly MADE IT!
Notes:
Keys to Fake It Till You Make It
- Find someone or several people who have made it whom you would like to model after (this could be people from various fields and areas of expertise)
- When in doubt, ask yourself how would this person do it
- Model after that person in how they did it and Fake It Till You Make It!
- Keep a focus on your goals and do not get distracted, in other words get out of your own way!
© 2010 Shamala Tan
Want to use this article? Sure you can HOWEVER you MUST include the following:
Shamala Tan, expert Holistic Life Coach is the founder of Think Right Feel Good™ Program, the step by step system that shows you how to live a better and stress free life. The system teaches you how to manage your stress levels through Right Thinking. Hundreds have benefited from this system and many are praising the system of how they are living more fulfilling lives and experiencing new levels of freedom within themselves. Get your FREE weekly tips and articles on how to further and dramatically change your life for the better, visit www.thinkrightfeelgood.com
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